The Friendship Fix: The Complete Guide to Choosing, Losing, and Keeping Up with Your Friends

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And, technology, from texting to Facebook, has made all friendships more complicated than ever. At last comes The Friendship Fix, jam-packed with practical ways to improve your life by improving your circle. From dealing with friends-with-benefits to coworkers from the dark side, from feeling alone to being desperate to defriend a few dozen people, Andrea Bonior, Ph. In my many years of seeing young adults for therapy, two major things have always stood out. Yes, one is that the bubble skirt does no one any favors, but the other—perhaps more germane to this book—is that relationships can simply make or break our daily lives.

It is our friends who shape the course of our lives. Why is this? Their friendship resonated. And we were willing to buy overpriced Jujyfruits and popcorn with the caloric equivalent of a hot fudge tanker in order to experience it on the big screen. Now more than ever, more and more people are relying on their friends. With American women getting married later a fond farewell to the notion of spinsterhood at twenty-five! Ask someone how they came up with their circle of best friends, and oftentimes they just fell into it, inadvertently and passively.

Maybe the person was a roommate, a cube-mate, or an aerobics mate. Such proximity can lead to wonderful relationships, but it is not sufficient in and of itself to the formation of a strong bond. Many people hope and expect to find soul mates romantically, but they often are more than willing to spend their entire twenties and thirties with a group of confidantes who are no more compatible with them than a bad toenail fungus. Why are expectations—and efforts—so low when it comes to choosing quality friendships?

Why are there a million and one tips about how to go about scoring that first date, but the relationships we spend even more time with are sometimes fallen into at random? Indeed, making supportive, lasting friendships can be even harder than dating, as many women in the trenches will tell you. There are no standard courtship rituals for friend-making: no first-date protocols involving breath mints, skirt-length deliberation, or restaurant-choice analysis.

This book sets out to help you find your friendship soul mates. A friend recently asked me for advice regarding a breakup. What was even more surprising was that the breakup she wanted advice about was not with a romantic partner, but with a friend. Because our social circle seems to naturally evolve as we go through transitions in our lives e. Her predicament, however, got me thinking about what happens when we need to let go of a friend during a relatively stable time in our lives.

The decision to end the friendship may be because we realize that we have grown apart, no longer have time to devote to one another, or no longer value the connection. So how do we go about breaking things off? Can we end a friendship, or are we obligated to hold on to friends just because we have had them in our lives for a certain period of time? As a result, the process by which friendships deteriorate must be studied independently from other types of relationships.

In one study, conducted over two decades ago, undergraduates between the ages of listed their friendships from their high school years on and wrote an essay detailing the demise of a same sex friendship from any point during that time. A more recent analysis, involving the deterioration of workplace friendships used in-depth interviews of 25 full-time employees from a variety of occupational fields.

This study revealed five main themes:. Consequences associated with ending a workplace friendship included emotional stress, reduced ability to perform tasks, and turnover. So now that we know that losing friends is a natural part of life, how can we end these relationships smoothly? The book is written for those who are called the "quarterlifers". These are people in their twenties and thirties who found friendship in college easy to come by but harder to find in real l I just finished reading The Friendship Fix, by Andrea Bonior, Ph.

These are people in their twenties and thirties who found friendship in college easy to come by but harder to find in real life. One of the great comments made in the book is we all are human beings and as such we are born to connect with people. We are wired to connect with others and not be alone. Sometimes it might seem easier to be alone but we all need one another. A great question that Dr. Bonior asked people was how they came into their current circle of friends.


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The overwhelming response was most people just kinda fell into their friendships. They were passive about it and didn't choose on purpose their current friendships. Think about that for a minute. Have you been in friendships with people for maybe years and you don't really have anything in common with them at all? Why are our efforts so low in choosing friends? Something to think about.

Bonior shares a great exercise you can use to help choose friends. There is lots of great information in this book.

Six Ways to Strengthen Your Best Friendships | Psychology Today

You can read from front to back or choose a chapter that sounds interesting and start there. I would recommend this book if you are looking for knowledge and like a humorous twist with that knowledge. Find out more about Dr. Jul 31, Kathryn Bergeron rated it it was ok Shelves: nonfiction. Summary: Read the subtitle. You'll get the idea. Her humor is, ummm, inappropriate, but hilarious. Her best known blog is about a giant metal chicken that she named Beyonce.

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She recommended this book on her blog. Review: I was really looking forward to some snark with this book. I mean, "The Bloggess" is all about snark.

And there was a little bit of snark, but not enough for my tastes. Now, I want you to know that a I Summary: Read the subtitle. Now, I want you to know that a I love any book with a pink cover but b I feel very confident in my friendships. Sure, my friendships are not all perfect whose are? Because of that, I think that reading about improving my friendships was a little bit boring.

And without a lot of snark to get my through, I wasn't digging it. That all being said, if you were in need of some friend-related mojo-boosting, this would be a great book. It is specifically designed for people in that transition between college and later marriage. It had some great advice on everything from "friends with benefits" to using social media to improve your relationships to how to choose your bridesmaids without angering people. But seriously, it is really hard to make friends in this place.

I blame it on the rain. Six to eight months spent in the cozy, and more importantly, dry indoors makes for introvert heaven. That is not to disparage introverts, after all, I am one. Why read a book of course! Jun 16, Annie McDonnell rated it really liked it. It was funny, light and got right to the point in each section.

Not realizing that I needed help in the "friend" department, I read it without knowing the impact it would have on my life. I have already made changes to some of my friend relationships because of the advice,AND I would like to say that it has been a wonderful change.

Lovely book! Jan 26, Katie rated it liked it. Definitely sound advice, mostly common sense, but the type of advice where we can't see what's in front of our noses, so this author lays it out for us. It's also helpful to know that whatever your struggles, you're not alone in them.

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The author's style was mostly amusing and casual, which made for easy reading, but sometimes her sense of humor and mine did not align at ALL and I either had no idea what reference she was making or had no idea why it was supposed to be funny. Other than that, and Definitely sound advice, mostly common sense, but the type of advice where we can't see what's in front of our noses, so this author lays it out for us.

Other than that, and some repetitive aspects, it was an enjoyable read, but maybe not what I was expecting or as helpful as I'd hoped. Feb 25, Brittany rated it liked it. I've got making friends on the brain since we just moved here 8 months ago and chances are good we'll be moving again in 3 months. Plus it's something I've kind of struggled with since middle school, basically. This was a good book.


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  • Good tips about different kinds of friendships and different issues that might arise. Nothing totally new or groundbreaking, but a good collection of information. The author is pretty funny, too, so the book was also an entertaining read. Read my mind From the get-go, this book was relatable. I particularly liked the action tips sprinkled throughout the book. I skipped some of the stories that didn't feel relatable, but overall it was an easy and enjoyable read.